"We never sleep, cause sleep is for the weak." - Meaghan's Livejournal

I'm scared to go back to sleep because super early in the morning I had an absolutely terrifying nightmare that shook the bejeezus out of me. Like I don't want to go into detail because only close friends would probably understand some parts of it, and I know this because I don't understand all of it myself. All I know is that it means something. I'm scared to sleep now though. Don't you just hate it when you love something, like sleep, so much, but you never get any of it at all? Like the one thing you need and want you can't have. :-l I'm sure that applies in plenty of situations.

Anyways. So I've been waiting for someone to point out how much of a hypocrite I am, but no one has yet. But Dana decided to have a chat with me about how I am a crazy maisy and yeah, I finally just admitted it to myself that I'm a hypocrite because no one else will tell me the truth. Because there's hypocrite Christians that tell you not to destroy yourself but they turn around and do it. And most people understand that the person telling you that is just trying to save you from expense, but what they also don't understand is that most people follow by example. The majority gets confused when introduced to a new concept. Unless there is an example. Leaders lead by example. Leaders go first. Leaders lead. I have to be a leader in this situation, even if I'm a horrible leader and get lost a lot. This time I have a map though. And I'm quitting living this way. But I'm not quitting the commitment I made.

On the left, I added 2 new modules. The "sober" one is referring to what I'm quitting. I don't want to get into much detail because I seriously don't remember who I know has a link to this. I posted a link to it on myspace for a while like 1 and a half years ago but I don't remember if anyone bookmarked it, you know? I don't really trust the people I know in real life too much with sensitive information- just people like Dana and Meaghan. I'm so scared my family will one day see this, because then they'll ask questions, and that's not good. It's so much easier to trust people on the internet and to spill your heart to them. It may not be safer, but I think in this case it is. Alright, back to what I was saying. The second module with the pinky promise is my promise to not quit being the hero of faith when I stood at the cross. That was something that happened at Spirit West Coast. I'll post about that some other day. So yeah, those modules are there just for reference because Nutang has become my creeper-Jesus posting sanctuary. :l

Sorry this was filled with random babbling, I've got a lot on my mind.

Have a great day. :]

I love my dreams~ nightmare or not i still love it.. lol sometimes i just enjoyed my nightmare... erm.. maybe im weird tho

RYN: oh i though u use some kind of pc video record ur paint lol im such a noob
» jolenesiah on 2008-10-12 10:49:11

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